I believe there is an emotion that sounds pretty harmless, but when in full-force can be very debilitating. It is called mommy guilt. Today I have received (from myself I guess) a very large dose of this emotion.
Today, for no apparent reason, I am blue. Perhaps it is the torrential downpouring rain, perhaps it is the headache of getting our fence fixed or maybe it is that the planets are aligned in such a way that the full force of the universe is fixed right on our house (and it caused our laundry to breed on its own).
Whatever the reason, it is not reason enough to be as frustrated at my kids as I was today. I feel guilty for raising my voice too often today. I feel guilty that I haven't played with them much today. I feel even MORE guilty that I haven't WANTED to play today. I feel guilty for saying no to the request "Mommy, will you play with me?" I feel guilty that I don't do all of the housework when they go to bed, so I can play all day. I feel guilty for the big hugs and "I love you's" I receive when I quite frankly don't deserve them .
I read a quote today "Our future belongs to those who live intensely in the present."
This wasn't directly from the Bible, it wasn't from an inspirational website or article. It was simply from my Vitamin E bottle. The reason I say this is pretty ironic. I realized, in the middle of my crabbiness, that I had forgotten to take my vitamins. When I picked up the Vitamin E bottle it was as if God was audible in my ear as I read, for the first time, the quote on the bottle that is almost gone.
This made me stop and think. Wow, God took the time to have someone write that quote on the bottle, then I purchased that particular brand and saw the quote on a day when I really needed it. And since I don't believe in coincidences, I know God was gently reminding me to enjoy the moment. And that He truly cares about every little part of our days.
This doesn't make the struggles of the day go away, but it reminds me that God instructs us to GIVE to him, our struggles, our bad days and our mommy guilt.
So I am off, off to play airplanes with Logan, while simultaneously playing jewelry with Olivia because it would take the entire galaxy aligning for the kids to want to play the same thing today. :)
6 comments:
don't be too hard on yourself:) every mom (or at least me and you) have those days. you are doing a good job!
girlie~
just know that life is life sometimes and that you ALWAYS deserve hugs and "i love you's"!!!!! God is with us thru every journey not just the joyful journals! I PRAISE you for the ability and the faith to look for God in every situation! love you babe!!!
susie
Aww, you're such a good Mommy! I see it every time we're together--your kids adore you.
I,too, know that guilt all too well, but I suppose that the hugs at the end of the day or first thing in the morning make it all better.
They won't remember the days you didn't play for an hour straight...they will remember all the days that you DID!
Love you,
Jill
Totally agree with everything everyone already said. We all have those days!
I love this post...we've all been there friend. I would wrap you in a big ol' hug if I could right now!!!
J
Stacey...Been there a million times my sweet friend. In my mind (before I had kids) I was going to be a totally different mama. More patient, play with them often, bake with them, teach them verses...but now most day I feel like I hardly get the things done I have too...like food on the table and clean underwear.
How cool that you could see God's grace through that day. Even on a vitamin bottle!
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